I never thought of being a mother as a choice. Motherhood was just a natural progression for me. It was just part of womanhood. I come from a very large family. Children are very much cherished in my family. I have two aunts who have no children. One was never married and the other is a widow. I assumed that their childlessness was simply the result of their unfortunate situations.
Until, recently I considered women, married women, who had no children, to be selfish. I thought that they neglected their duty as a wife, as a woman. I remember a few years ago one of my professors talked about her choice not to have children. She had been married for 20 years and was very happy. She explained that children would be inconvenient. This professor stated that she enjoyed not having “that” responsibility. She stated that her and her husband just never considered it. They were just focused on pursuing their goals. When I heard this, I was appalled. I thought, “What was the purpose of marriage if not to have a family?” I thought they were very selfish.
But, alas, that was then and this is now. I was younger then and quite naïve. I think back and envy her. I realized that I disregarded my right to choose. While, I love my children, I can’t help but wonder what my life could have been like without them. I could have chosen a different path just as fulfilling. There are so many women now who choose not to have children and they are not only fulfilled but valuable members of society.
Hi Nikki!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure every mother who has ever lived wonders at least once what their lives might be like without their children... At least for a day, right?;) On the flip side, I'd be willing to bet that women without children wonder what their lives might be like with them. We all have those days, when we are introspective, wondering if we've made the right choices, if we measure up to our potential... For me this usually comes when I let myself get overwhelmed by the stress of a bad day, week, etc. Taking a little time for myself usually cures me! When I had my daughter, my sister(a mother of two girls)sent me a framed saying that now hangs in my daughter's room. It reads: "A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take." It seems to take on greater meaning each time I read it, and reminds me that of all my "jobs", this is the most important. I hope sharing it with you will help when you have another "one of those days"!;) Amanda
Thanks for sharing. I guess you read through the lines and realized I was having one of those days. Your post brought a smile to my face.
ReplyDeleteNikki,
ReplyDeleteI was rather confused with your post, by saying you envy the woman with no children are you in any way regretting your having made choices to be a mother very early? (As I started reading your post, it sounded like being a mother is something you enjoy and was natural to have happened). For the most part, women who did not plan on getting children always feel good about the getting a child and say they cannnot trade their newfound experiences for anything (rarely do you hear one who has children wish in the reverse or admire those without children).
I really enjoyed raising my children when they were young (because they looked and behaved like triplets. However, now that they are grown, I don't have much I do for them because they are seeking independence and freedom (but they enjoy my cooking!!). I have started feeling like I am getting lonely again, at times I wish I could get another child but I am not planning to. I cannot imagine my life if I could have been without children.